On Beauty and Fashion

Often, when people find out that I have a blog, the first question they will ask me is 'What do you blog about?' and I'll reply 'Oh, just make-up and books and stuff'.

It's that one little word, that 'just'. I wish I didn't include it, but I do. Because of course makeup, and fashion for that matter, isn't 'just' anything. I love makeup. It might sound silly, it might sound naive, and it might sound vain, but I really do. I love the act of putting it on my face and I love the way it can manipulate the way I feel as much as it can the way I look. I even, sometimes, love the act of removing it. I use coconut oil to remove my makeup and I enjoy smearing black eyeliner and red lipstick all over my face in an oily, gory mess, before rinsing it all down the sink. I love the feeling of nakedness with it off just as much as I love the feeling of togetherness with it on.

My use of the word 'just' has as much to do with my playing down of my love of makeup as it does playing down the importance of makeup itself. Like it or not, makeup is important. It is just seen as silly because it is virtually exclusive to the world of women. It is much the same with fashion.

(As an aside, I am writing this after watching Inside British Vogue, a documentary made for the BBC by a rather condescending man who scoffs at clothes and the-women-who-work-at-Vogue's investment in them, before getting completely played by Vogue's editor in chief, Alexandra Schulman. It made me so angry that I had to let it out.)

I have never put on makeup because of a boy. I only put on to feel good (admittedly, I might want to feel good in front of a boy, and makeup is a part of that). I often put on makeup for other girls, and I often make my clothes choices for other girls - nothing makes me happier than when another girl compliments my clothes or makeup because I know how invested those girls are in clothes and makeup.

Loving makeup isn't silly, naive, or vain. It should be treated no differently than loving books (which I do) or films. Makeup can be a cultural and political statement, as much as it can be 'just for fun'. It can be both and liking it for both is just as valid as one or the other.

So, with that in mind, I shall carry on wearing, and blogging, about makeup and fashion. I shall try not to downplay my love for them both. And I shall fiercely defend them against anyone who says they are unimportant.

On Perfectionsim

It happened. It was inevitable that it would and it finally did. I missed a day of blogtober.

I am sorry that I missed a day, but I'm not entirely surprised and, whilst I was thinking it over this morning when I woke up and remembered I hadn't posted anything, it got me thinking about perfectionism.

I am a perfectionist, but I don't think it is out of any desire to actually get things 'perfect'. I'm very lucky in that I was a naturally bright child - I never really had to work too hard through school and college in order to get high grades. I wasn't one of those students who didn't put any effort in a sailed through, don't get me wrong. I revised really hard for my geography and history GCSE's (my weakest subjects where much of the test was based on facts and figures) and I got my legs chopped from underneath me when I got a D in my first AS politics exam (I naively thought that performing well in discussion in class, when I had others around me to help stimulate my ideas, was as good as knowing the information myself) so I revised extremely hard for my retakes.

I think I am a perfectionist because I have been told that I am good at things, so I don't want to let others down. I act like a perfectionist because I 'should be perfect', rather than because I think I am or because I particularly want to be. This can mean that when I think I've done a task to a high enough level I'll stop. It won't necessarily be the perfect end-result, but it will be 'good enough' to make them (whoever I'm performing the task for) think I am good at it. This is my perfectionism struggle - because if I'm unable to get a task to a certain level I tend to shut down. I get angry and upset at myself. I think I've failed. My own expectations of what I can do, and the expectations of others around me, really impact on my emotions and feelings of self-worth. I also struggle with the inevitability of failure and it can sometimes stop me from doing things. For example, I knew that I would fail when I came to completing my New Years resolution of running 365 miles this year, so I barely started.

However, my coping strategy for this isn't always the best. I can be very 'brush-off-ish' of my failures, presenting my internal disappointment as a kind of blase rudeness (at best) or anger (at worst).

This is something I've been working on a lot over the past few years, particularly during my time at uni when I happily sat in the middle of the pack for most of my time - surrounded by people who were significantly more intelligent than me in a myriad of ways. It helped me to understand that my perfectionism didn't have to be about being the best of everyone or, more importantly, being the best FOR everyone, it could just be about being the best for me,

This means that my 'best' can change day-in, day-out. It means I can give myself mental-health days when I need them, knowing that my 'best' on that day will be getting up, going to work, and getting an early night. It also means that I can push myself when I know I'm just being lazy and it will spur me to make the most of my time, getting up, going to work, coming home, writing a blog post, applying for an internship, reading a book.

I don't know if any of that made sense, but what I'm trying to say is this:

Don't let the thought of failure stop you from trying.

Don't let other people's expectations control your life.

Your expectations for yourself don't need to be constant. You can change them daily.

 What are your thoughts on perfectionism? Do you struggle with it in the same way as me? Or do you have different experiences? Let me know on twitter @vickimaitland or in the comments.

Best Of: 15 of 2015

I'm back! Sorry for the hiatus - it was planned but it wasn't executed quite how I had intended. I'll explain all next week, but I thought I'd put this post up before the year grew too old.

Here's my top 15 of 2015.

Beauty

TopShop Smokey Eye Palette - Golden Aurora
Lush R&B Hair Moisturiser
Barry M LipLiner - 9 Russet
Too Faced Mascara - Better Than Sex
Collection Eyebrow Kit

I got the TopShop Pallette for Christmas 2014 and I've worn it every season since. The mix of colours means its pretty versatile, even if the dark colours are too dark for an all-over lid look. Looks I've used it in can be seen here and here.

R&B was something I'd picked up in April, and one small pot lasted me till Christmas. I've already got a new pot. It is the best thing for dry hair, in my opinion, even if the smell is a little funny.

Barry M products have really impressed me all year, but none more than their lip liners. This one, Russet, is my particular favourite as it's really adaptable under different colours of lipstick.

I had a mixed reaction to the Better Than Sex mascara at first, but now I can't imagine my make-up look complete without it.

Collection are the only brand in this list with a somewhat dubious cruelty free policy. Both this eyebrow kit and their concealer have stayed in my make-up kit all year, however, so at least one of them deserved a place in my favourites.


Books

How To Be Both - Ali Smith
Americanah - Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche
The Book Theif - Markus Zusak
The Direputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks - E. Lockhart
The Age of Earthquakes - Coupland, Basar, Obrist

I loved Smith's There But For The, and I picked up How To Be Both when it was on offer in Waterstones. It's a very intelligent book, as all of Smith's are, and I'd really recommend it.

Americanah was a bit of a revelation for me, as I'd never read anything with African leads outside of school, and certainly nothing by an African author. This had been something I was looking to change, and I made good moves to change it in 2015. Looking forward I want to continue to diversify my reading.

I got The Book Thief Christmas 2014. When I read it I sobbed and sobbed. No book since has had that visceral reaction in me, so it had to go in my favourites.

The Disreputable History is a book I own on Kindle, but it's one that I've recommended over and over again ever since I read it. I read it on busses, trains, and a plane as I made my way to Lyon and it captivated me throughout.

I've lent The Age of Earthquakes to Katie, so I don't have a picture, but you can read my review here. This book was one of the first truly non-fiction books I read last year, and to read more non-fiction is one of my reading goals for 2016.


Other

Filler Podcast - Harry Hitchens and Matt Shore
No Such Thing As A Fish - QI Elves
Necklace
How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful - Florence and the Machine
Darling Magazine

Filler is a creative industries podcast hosted by Harry Hitchens and Matt Shore. It's so intelligent and inspirational, and as a young creative myself I love listening to how my sucessful peers got to where they are today.

No Such Thing As A Fish is a podcast by the QI elves. Four of the QI researchers meet to share their favourite facts from the last week, and not only is it interesting but it frequently has me giggling my socks off.

This necklace was a gift from my parents for my 21st. It's diamond cut gold - a cut that was popular in the 70's but less so now. I wanted it because my Mum has a similar one, that she got for her 21st too, and I like that it's a tradition to be passed down.

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful as an album is beautiful, and the title track is my favourite from the whole. Florence always creates poetry rather than lyrics, and I love how she just goes for a note. The album contains so much emotion, it's stunning.

Darling was something I became aware of to the end of last year, but because of the price of shipping I was really wary of ordering it. I'm so glad I took the plunge, and strongly recommend it to anyone looking to read a magazine that truly celebrates the art of being a woman. None of their images are doctored in any way, and the magazine is divinely edited.

It was really lovely to reflect over some of the things I loved over the year. I could add in so much more, including all of the National Theatre Live cinematic productions I've seen, all of the plays and musicals I've gone to, and plenty of other artists (including Lorde, Haim and Paolo Nutini).

What were some of your favourite things from the last year? I'm still on Twitter and Instagram - @VickiMaitland everywhere. I'm no longer doing Goodreads as I found it a pretty ineffectual way of tracking my reading personally, but you can follow what I'm reading by following me on my other social media, as I tend to write about the stuff I'm loving.

Next week I'll go into more depth about my haitus, but for now, stay sunny.

x

Moving Out Haitus

As you may know, I'm currently moving out of my uni house and back into my parents home. This means that everything is everywhere, and I haven't really got my life in order - hence why this blog post is so late. To make my life a little easier, I'm going to take a hiatus till I'm back home and back on track. I've got a few very special posts planned and I want to do them justice, including an Amsterdam diary/hostel chat, my experience at the Harry Potter Studio Tour, a book un-haul, and a (self)motivational well-being pledge. 

If you're worried you'll miss me while I'm away, I'll still be all over Instagram and Twitter  (@vickimaitland on both). If you're looking for great blogs to read, here are a couple of my favourites:

Katie has just started posting on Tuesdays as well as her regular Bread-nes-day and Sunday posts.

Student lifestyle hilarity from Jon.

Cruelty Free lifestyle from Gemima, Sarah, and Kelly.

Scrummy Food from Kerry-Ann.

See you on the other side (next Tuesday/Friday depending how hectic unpacking is!)

Know Your Body (Still Learning)

I've written a few posts about my body, the way I look at it and the way I treat it. But I'm still learning a lot about myself and the way I function, especially in the two years I've lived away from home whilst studying at uni.

1) Sleep. One of the biggest things I've learnt about myself is that if I get 4 hours sleep I can function well (in the short term), or if I get 8-9 hours of sleep I can function well (in the long term). Anywhere in between or outside those I am a big, tired mess. For most of my life I've had a pretty strict sleep schedule, decided mostly by when I have to get up the next morning. At uni I don't have to get p every morning to be somewhere, so it's been interesting to learn how I best function and what works for me.

2) Mornings. On top of this, I've also reaffirmed my belief that I am a morning person. I'm at my most productive when I've started work by about 9am, and I tend to have switched off by 7pm. This also means I like eating early (in both the morning and the evening) and getting an early night (in bed by 10:30pm), which isn't always possible when uni social life tends to happen after hours.

3) Veg. I love vegetables. At uni it's a rare day when I don't have all of my 5 a day and then some. At home, I very rarely eat 5 a day - mostly because our meals are based around a meat and carb combination (ie. cottage pie, lasagna, roasts). My meals at uni are almost always centred around vegetables and they form the base of any meal I eat (don't worry, I still get my protein - mostly from nuts and cheese). I really feel the difference when I come home, and though there is often more fruit around the house I really miss the veg!

4) Periods. I've noticed my hunger levels change drastically depending what time of the month it is, particularly since being on the combination pill. If I've used the pill off licence (ran over, so I skip a bleed week), it really throws my body off and I get a lot more cravings. As soon as I get my period, my appetite drops off and stays that way till the week before my next period. If you are someone who gets periods, it can be really interesting to map a pattern in your hunger levels (among other things), as hormones can have a huge influence on how we act. I used to be so hard on myself for overeating in the week leading up to my period, but now I know that for the three weeks during and after my appetite returns to 'normal' I'm a lot kinder to my cravings!

5) Exercise. I have never enjoyed working out, but I've come to realise how much my body values exercise. Leaving the house, going for a short walk, cycle or jog makes so much difference to the enjoyment of my day, and to my state of mind.

What I'm trying to say with all this is that it's vital to learn how your body functions best, and though I'm still learning a lot about myself I feel like I've come a long way in the last few years. The body is a machine, and how you treat it (and what you fuel it with) will affect a huge amount of your life - not only the way you act but also the way you look and think about yourself.

Let me know what you've learnt about your body in the comments below, or send me a tweet @VickiMaitland.

On Awkward Meet-ups

It's always a little daunting when you arrange to see someone you haven't seen or spoken to in a long time. You're never quite sure if they'll be the person you've remembered them as and you're certain you're not still the person they knew you as, and you don't know how they'll react to that change. It's more nerve-wracking when the last time you spoke wasn't on good terms, even worse when it's your ex and you haven't seen or spoken to them in the last seven months.

My advice? Try not to worry too much about it. Accept that you'll have both changed, and that those changes are probably a good thing. You'll both have grown and (hopefully) matured, so there's no need bringing up old issues which probably aren't relevant anymore and are just going to cause unnecessary tension. If you want to (and are making the effort to) see them after however long, chances are they are (or were) someone who was important to you. There was a reason for that. The worst thing that will happen is that you'll go back to not speaking to them, or you won't meet up again. Considering that's been the situation for the past however-many months, chances are it'll be okay.

I know I was almost ill I was so worried about how I'd react when I saw someone who had hurt me, but once we got talking I remembered exactly why we had been best friends for so long. Things weren't back to the way there were, and there was always going to be awkwardness and a bit of a guard up, but afterwards I felt so much better - not only about the person but about the whole situation surrounding them.

Have you had to meet up with someone you haven't seen in ages (friend, family member, ex-significant other)? How did it go? Any advice for someone else? Tweet me @VickiMaitland or leave a comment below.

Everyone Has Their Own Problems (or, Be Your Own Lobster)

Source

A few weeks ago, my beautiful friend Katie wrote a post in which she highlighted all the reasons that comparing yourself to others is toxic. All her posts are incredibly insightful, but this one in particular stuck with me and I've found myself thinking about it ever since.

One of the modules I've taken this semester is 'The Art of Emotion' and it seeks to explore the way we think, read and write about feeling. In my research into happiness, I learnt how more often than not it is a comparative emotion. Not only in the sense of 'I didn't have this but now I do and that makes me happy' or 'I used to have this but now I don't and that makes me sad' but also 'I have more than them, that makes me happy'.

When we evaluate our own happiness, then, we are not just comparing our present situation to a past situation (or vise-versa) but we are also directly comparing our social standing to our peers (and it is most often our peers and rarely someone with a considerably higher or lesser social/economic position).

This saddens me, but it also highlights just how toxic comparisons can be.

The thing is, everyone has their own problems to deal with, whether they choose to share them or not. If there's one thing university has taught me is that more people than you realise have a disorder or mental illness. I can't count how many people I know who have a combination of depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, the list goes on. Even with those people who you're super close with, I'd estimate that 80% of the time you don't know exactly what their going through.  What we project out may not necessarily be the truth (although there is a whole school of thought that we are only our projections, but that's a discussion for another post entirely). Facebook exacerbates this problem. Who posts pictures of them looking down, or sad, or just plain bored? No-one! We post pictures of ourselves having a great time, smiling, looking like we're having fun (even if we weren't really having fun at the time the photo was taken).

Comparing yourself to others is a pointless exercise. It creates stress and a really bad atmosphere. All you can do is focus on you, and let other people focus on them. Thanks to Friends, we all know the story that lobsters mate for life. I say: be your own lobster.

On Honesty

Increasingly I am led to believe that honesty is truly the best policy. Not only being honest with others (which really is the only way you can have a good relationship with them) but also being honest with yourself.

I can’t count the amount of time I’ve made To-Do lists with 20 odd items on them and been disappointed at the end of the day if I’ve only done half of them. The amount of times I’ve set myself a word count to reach by the end of the hour and been gutted when I’m 50 or 100 or 300 words away.

Having goals and aspirations is great, but if you’re a bit of a perfectionist like me then not reaching goals can be the most destructive thing you can do to yourself. I know when I don’t reach a goal I’ve set myself not only am I disappointed in myself but I also become disheartened with the activity I’m doing and often that is the end of my productivity.

Recently I’ve started writing To-Do’s with two headings. Under the first heading are the things I absolutely must do today – things like doing the reading for next week’s class, washing up the mess I made the night before or writing a certain number of words for my dissertation. Under the second heading are the things I need to do but aren’t as urgent as the first. Things like writing a blog post, or putting on a second load of washing, or painting my nails. Not only does this mean I prioritise right from the start of the day, but I also feel great when I start crossing off things on the second list.

However, this has got to come with some stern talking from yourself. If you find yourself not doing tasks that you really should be doing (and you can’t just set lower total goals) you need to ask yourself why. Most of the time when I’m not doing the things I need to it’s because the thing I need to do is intimidating me, or because I can’t be bothered to put in the effort. In scenario’s like this (usually essay writing in my case) I find it really helpful to set lots of tiny goals with tiny rewards for achieving them – so long as all these tiny goals add up to the daily goal. For example, if I can write 250 words in the next half an hour I can get a biscuit with my cup of tea. If I go over the word limit or get so into it that I go over the time limit, I can watch a YouTube video. Small goals met boost my enthusiasm for a task, and usually mean that I perform better.

In summary – be honest with yourself. Be honest with what you can achieve in a day. If you’re consistently underachieving, ask yourself why and be honest with your answer. Being straight talking with yourself will really help, honestly.